Grey Skies

When the skies turn grey,
When the rain falls,
When the children who play outside get called back home,
When their voices fade,
When the shadow casts,
When the birds squawk as they go past,
When my distractions go away,
The thoughts in my mind come to play,
The monsters and demons come out from where they were lay,
They hold me down until I’m in the depths,
The depths of darkness where there is no rest,
Now I belong to them,
Now I see no sense,
Now I could be no further from you,
Now my hope extinguishes,
Now I watch the ashes of my hope get swept away in the wind,
When the rain falls from these grey skies,
I pray that it brings back what it once took away.
GREY SKIES

Hiatus.

24 hours, 1440 minutes, 86,400 seconds. Thats an insane amount of time in just one day, and yet its been almost a year since I was last consistently active on here, so where have I been? What have I done in this awfully long hiatus?

Well you’ll be disappointed to know that I haven’t quite managed to win a Nobel Peace prize, cure the incurable or master the life changing magic of tidying advocated by the infamous Mari Kondo (a very over-rated concept in my humble opinion!)

I did however, partake in the ‘Battle of Summer and Winter exams’ as it is known here amongst my fellow students, having somehow ploughed into fourth year as a result. This involved gorging on an assortment of Milka chocolate, memorising a whole semesters worth of content in a few nights, and multiple mental breakdowns along the way. The transition of 3rd year into 4th year has been an enjoyable yet challenging one, something I hope to touch upon in future posts.

Alongside this I managed to squeeze in a spot of travelling. In doing so, I ticked off the old ‘travelling with someone you’ve never met before’, from the ultimate bucket list of things to do before I hit old age. As I have touched upon from the very start, travelling is not only a passion of mine but also part of a pledge I made in the early days of this blog to travel to all the countries which border Bulgaria by the time graduate.

Finally, I had a realisation with regards to this blog. This blog is my space, it is where I can share content that I feel inspired to share. So instead of restricting myself to posting content strictly regarding ‘studying’ in Bulgaria, I will be adding to my usual content with short stories, poetry, photography, everything and anything that I wish to share. So in short, expect more exciting content in this space and a true depiction of my journey as you watch me evolve over the days, months and years!

 

“There is virtue in work and there is virtue in rest. Use both and overlook neither.”                  ~ Alan Cohen 

 

 

 

A view from my bedroom.

I walk in through my front door throwing my bag down and rushing to get a glass of water. I do this on most days, however some days I find myself reaching for a sugar laden snack instead, to give me a surge of energy much needed after a long day of pretending to listen to my teachers.

The most consistent part of my day is when I sit down on my bed and stare out of the window which frames my view. From my window I see a block of apartments, they are one street away, just opposite mine. An elderly couple and their dog live in a small outhouse in my street, just beside a block of flats which are as old as time. The background to this view is a mountain, one of many here in the city in which I study. This mountain is of particular interest to me, it stands out like the white on a blackboard, its magnanimity is breath-taking.

****

Today has been a tough day, a view which I hold based on having to have stood up for all of 3 hours whilst my professor relentlessly quizzed us on the pathologies of the heart. Meanwhile, the putrid smell of urine mixed with varying infections hung in the air. This was followed by a walk home in the torrential rain, made worse by subjecting myself to observing the locals droving by in their automobiles, wrapped up in their scarves, their cheeks rosy from the artificial warmth provided by the dry heat of their cars. Needless to say I find this contrast rather irksome.

On this particular day, I enter my room and slump on the edge of my bed transferring the wetness of my windbreaker onto the bedding. I become fixated on the mountains ragged rocks, which appear as chiselled as ever, the greenery which usually decorates the height of this geographical phenomena appears relatively sparse and dulled today. The apartments in front of me show their inhabitants cooking in the kitchen arguing in front of what I guess must be the stove. Their expressions are that of stone, their words must be that of steel, the older man leaves exiting through the small door that leads onto their balcony. To me however, it seems that they could not be further from one another. As the thick smoke from his cigar dispels into the air, I watch it become one with the murky grey sky which has cast over our side of town.

Eventually I feel my eyes tire, becoming heavy with sleep and I feel myself slipping in and out of consciousness, semi- aware of the sound of the barking guard dog that has served the elderly couple loyally for the entirety of the time in which I have been the owner of this view.

****

The sun splintering through the parting clouds is what wakes me. I run my hands through my disheveled hair and start to force my joints back into their physiologic places having slept in an unusual position. I feel for my glasses on the duvet, everything beyond an arms reach is a blur to me right now. As I place my glasses onto the bridge of my nose and feel them slip over the groove of my ears, everything comes into focus .

I glance over at my phone clumsily landing an uncoordinated punch at the home button, illuminating the home screen, only to show that I have slept in. I am late, no in fact I am now early for my next lesson. Usually this would have catapulted my thoughts into a spiral of negativity projecting an ugly haze over the day ahead of me. Today however, I am unperturbed, why you ask? The answer dear reader is a rather unsatisfying one and it is simply that today is not yesterday.

I spring up from my bed and wander into the kitchen, I feel rather peckish having slept without eating. I work my way through my cupboards, starting off with the junk cupboard, the cupboard with all the carbs and finally approaching the emergency food cupboard, with each attempt I find myself disappointed. In true form I have run out food, I have made the rookie error of avoiding a supermarket shop in order to convenience myself in the short term, by a uncomfortable walk home straddled by grocery bags.

I absent-mindedly drift towards the garish sofa perpendicular to my window. I place myself in the centre of it as I wonder whether I should splurge my remaining budget of this month on take-out or groceries. I settle on the latter and catching a quick glance of myself in the mirror, I head out of my apartment.